Chapter Four
Nikki and Kevin went to lunch one day. They were walking from the office to his car. They were good friends now. They had known each other for over two years, and he had to admit he had developed quite the fondness for her. Not in a romantic way or even so much as a crush; but he couldn’t help but smile when he thought of her. She was his buddy. He looked forward to seeing her at the office each morning. Her smile, her laugh, and the little inside jokes they had developed over time had slowly infiltrated his crusty exterior. She had helped him to soften up some. They both saw eye to eye and for the first time in his life he trusted someone enough to show his softer side. To admit that he wasn’t always sure of himself. He dared for the first time, to show weakness. He couldn’t say the same for Shawna. They had been dating off and on for a little longer than he‘d known Nikki. They seemed to be a good couple. They had a lot in common. They were from similar backgrounds. Her parents adored him and his parents were always hinting about grandchildren. On paper, they looked really good together.
She was certainly attractive. She was intelligent, ambitious, carving out a good career path. Hell, sometimes it seemed that’s all she cared about. He couldn’t help but feel occasionally like he was on the back burner; an ornament to complement her, an accessory to her life. Or at the very best.. Another trophy in her case. Nevertheless, he thought that wasn’t such a bad thing. She was quite the catch for him, and maybe his parents were right. Maybe it was time to settle down. Besides they were the ones that taught him, it didn’t matter how you felt inside. The important thing was to keep up appearances. And as far as they were concerned, the two of them painted the perfect little picture of marital bliss. What more could he ask for? Stability, social standing, and his parents’ approval. He had never had all of those at once. The more he thought about it, the more he was convinced it was time to take the plunge.
“Hey Nikki, umm I kinda had a reason for inviting you out to lunch today. Just you and me.” Kevin’s shoulders tensed up, his head cocked to the side, and his eyes darted around like he was embarrassed of the thoughts behind them. “I wanted to run something by you.”
“Kev, if this is about me interviewing the mayor for you again, I have enough on my plate. Besides, every time I talk to him, he undresses me with his eyes. It’s soo creepy.” She winced, chuckled, and shivered at the same time.
“No…it’s not about you interviewing the mayor,” he said in a mocking, ho hum tone. “I just..”
“Wait!”
They were still walking from the office to his car. She suddenly stopped, turned away from him, and crouched down.
“What is it? Are you ok?” he asked.
“Yeah, but this little guy isn’t.”
He looked over her shoulder; saw her cupping something in her hands. He stepped around to the side of her, bent down a little at the waist, and then he saw it. Go figure. If this wasn’t typical Nikki, he didn’t know what was. On closer inspection, he saw she was cradling a wounded butterfly.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Movie Soundtracks
Ahhh The Pulp FIction soundtrack for sure! I remember my buddy Jarrod Holt was the first one in the crew to see the movie and he was a big soundtrack buff at the time, so he went out and bought it right away and played it for the rest of us. So i heard the soundtrack before i even saw the movie and instantly fell in love w/ both. It had some of everything and went along great w/ that whole retro bohemian underground gangster thing. I ended up seeing that movie six times in the theater. That movie, and definitely the soundtrack molded a big part of my teenage years & a lot of the way i see things now.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Divorcing The Earth chapter 3
Chapter Three
Kevin peered out the passenger window of Ty’s car. He tried to choreograph his thoughts with the visual ballet of passing scenery. It was whimsically satisfying when mental, emotional and physical occasionally synched up to create a strangely - abstract rhythm.
“What’s up with you man?,” Ty said with an exasperation that had obviously been building. “You haven’t hardly said shit sense I picked you up.”
Kevin could feel Ty’s gaze before he even turned from the window. A sudden rush of guilt flushed his cheeks. It had been nearly twenty minutes since their last exchange. They had made up quickly as they always did, but he couldn’t help sinking back into his reflective doldrums.
“Hey if it’s about what I said earlier..” Ty started. “I didn’t mean to..”
“Nah, nah it’s alright. That’s my bad. You were just trying to be cool. I’ve just been feeling weird today - you know - like….I don’t know.”
“Yeah well,” Ty said. “You’re about to feel real weird when I drop your ass off on the side of the road. It’s a long way to Isaac and Tamara’s house and I ain’t running no taxi service!”
“Whatever!” Kevin said, letting that one word stand as his defense and his apology.
Ty was a cool guy even if he was a little high strung at times. They had known each other since their freshman year of college. He had always had a smartass - I don’t care what you think - type of attitude; which was good for comic relief, but without an audience he tended to get unbearably self-conscious.
“Besides, we’re almost there. I promise I’ll lighten up.. I’m just a little tired right now.”
“Well you better pep up buddy, cause I just may have a little surprise for you,” Ty said in a coy tone just brewing with mischief. He straightened up in his seat and turned his gaze back to the road with pursed lips, like the cat that ate the canary, and planned on going back for seconds.
“Ahh hell, you know I’ve never liked your surprises.”
“Bullshit!” Ty said indignantly. “I can think of a few of my surprises you enjoyed just fine.”
“Oh lemme guess…a big bag of weed right?”
“Well shit, that’s a given man.”
“Then what? It better not be cola. You know I don’t do that anymore and I thought you…”
“Nah, nah, nah. It’s not cocaine,“ Ty mused.
When they both met in college, they not only experimented with every drug under the sun, they had made a science of getting fucked up. It’s a wonder they both weren’t as fried as some of the road kill they had passed on the highway. Fortunately, they wised up and returned to the world of non-zombies. Some of the other people they had known…well, they were a different story. Nowadays they mostly confined themselves to the occasional blunt and weekend alcohol binge.
“Well what then!?” Kevin was quickly losing his patience with the guessing game. “Dude, seriously I’m about to kick your ass. What did you do?”
“Ahh that’s my little fightin’ cream puff. See, you’re more energetic already.”
Kevin’s eyes smiled with embarrassment but his body language smoldered with exasperation.
“Ok fine. I was gonna tell you alright?”
Ty finally admitted that he had been talking to Tamara. They had both met Tamara in college, a little after they had met each other. They were now going to her and her husband Isaac’s house to meet some more friends of theirs: Ryan and Jenna. They were all going to meet up and caravan to Broken Bow from there. They had been planning this trip to Oklahoma for a couple of months. They were renting a nice cabin up in the hill country for a few days. It was the end of November just after Thanksgiving. The weather was cold, the air was crisp, and it was perfect for a nice secluded getaway in the outdoors.
Apparently Tamara was just as worried about Kevin as Ty was. She’d known him for a long time and knew, that even after two years, Kevin hadn’t completely recovered from the shock of Nikki’s death. He’d gotten on with his life for the most part. It hit him really hard in the beginning, as it did everyone, but he was a strong guy and eventually got back on track. But maybe that’s what worried her. He was a little too composed about the situation. She didn’t feel he had allowed himself to grieve properly, and more and more lately it was beginning to show. The two year anniversary of that horrible day had recently passed. He never spoke much about it, but everyone that knew him before, knew he was just a shell of his former self. She knew, he loved her very much, and she had never seen him so alive and as comfortable with himself than when they were together: that short period of time that they were together.
Kevin peered out the passenger window of Ty’s car. He tried to choreograph his thoughts with the visual ballet of passing scenery. It was whimsically satisfying when mental, emotional and physical occasionally synched up to create a strangely - abstract rhythm.
“What’s up with you man?,” Ty said with an exasperation that had obviously been building. “You haven’t hardly said shit sense I picked you up.”
Kevin could feel Ty’s gaze before he even turned from the window. A sudden rush of guilt flushed his cheeks. It had been nearly twenty minutes since their last exchange. They had made up quickly as they always did, but he couldn’t help sinking back into his reflective doldrums.
“Hey if it’s about what I said earlier..” Ty started. “I didn’t mean to..”
“Nah, nah it’s alright. That’s my bad. You were just trying to be cool. I’ve just been feeling weird today - you know - like….I don’t know.”
“Yeah well,” Ty said. “You’re about to feel real weird when I drop your ass off on the side of the road. It’s a long way to Isaac and Tamara’s house and I ain’t running no taxi service!”
“Whatever!” Kevin said, letting that one word stand as his defense and his apology.
Ty was a cool guy even if he was a little high strung at times. They had known each other since their freshman year of college. He had always had a smartass - I don’t care what you think - type of attitude; which was good for comic relief, but without an audience he tended to get unbearably self-conscious.
“Besides, we’re almost there. I promise I’ll lighten up.. I’m just a little tired right now.”
“Well you better pep up buddy, cause I just may have a little surprise for you,” Ty said in a coy tone just brewing with mischief. He straightened up in his seat and turned his gaze back to the road with pursed lips, like the cat that ate the canary, and planned on going back for seconds.
“Ahh hell, you know I’ve never liked your surprises.”
“Bullshit!” Ty said indignantly. “I can think of a few of my surprises you enjoyed just fine.”
“Oh lemme guess…a big bag of weed right?”
“Well shit, that’s a given man.”
“Then what? It better not be cola. You know I don’t do that anymore and I thought you…”
“Nah, nah, nah. It’s not cocaine,“ Ty mused.
When they both met in college, they not only experimented with every drug under the sun, they had made a science of getting fucked up. It’s a wonder they both weren’t as fried as some of the road kill they had passed on the highway. Fortunately, they wised up and returned to the world of non-zombies. Some of the other people they had known…well, they were a different story. Nowadays they mostly confined themselves to the occasional blunt and weekend alcohol binge.
“Well what then!?” Kevin was quickly losing his patience with the guessing game. “Dude, seriously I’m about to kick your ass. What did you do?”
“Ahh that’s my little fightin’ cream puff. See, you’re more energetic already.”
Kevin’s eyes smiled with embarrassment but his body language smoldered with exasperation.
“Ok fine. I was gonna tell you alright?”
Ty finally admitted that he had been talking to Tamara. They had both met Tamara in college, a little after they had met each other. They were now going to her and her husband Isaac’s house to meet some more friends of theirs: Ryan and Jenna. They were all going to meet up and caravan to Broken Bow from there. They had been planning this trip to Oklahoma for a couple of months. They were renting a nice cabin up in the hill country for a few days. It was the end of November just after Thanksgiving. The weather was cold, the air was crisp, and it was perfect for a nice secluded getaway in the outdoors.
Apparently Tamara was just as worried about Kevin as Ty was. She’d known him for a long time and knew, that even after two years, Kevin hadn’t completely recovered from the shock of Nikki’s death. He’d gotten on with his life for the most part. It hit him really hard in the beginning, as it did everyone, but he was a strong guy and eventually got back on track. But maybe that’s what worried her. He was a little too composed about the situation. She didn’t feel he had allowed himself to grieve properly, and more and more lately it was beginning to show. The two year anniversary of that horrible day had recently passed. He never spoke much about it, but everyone that knew him before, knew he was just a shell of his former self. She knew, he loved her very much, and she had never seen him so alive and as comfortable with himself than when they were together: that short period of time that they were together.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Divorcing The Earth chapter 2
Chapter Two
He owed so much to Nikki. She helped him to know himself for the first time. He’d never told anyone the things that he’d told her. Hell, he never thought anyone was interested. Sure, he was respected…maybe even admired among his colleagues, but they never showed much interest in him personally and he never volunteered anything. His family was never very close or vocal. He had a good group of friends that helped make up for his rather emotionally austere upbringing, but he was never as close with anyone as her. It was just too bad he didn’t realize how special their relationship was. Maybe if he hadn’t taken it for granted, or worse, been so much of a coward; maybe she would still be here. He would give anything to have the chance to tell her how he felt about her, but he couldn’t. It was too late. And he always wondered if she knew how much she meant to him.
They both met about four years ago. Kevin was a news editor and reporter for a small suburban newspaper. Nicole came on board as the new features editor. At first, they couldn’t stand each other. They were constantly butting heads. She was a little too opinionated for his taste, and she thought he was arrogant. She was a privileged, conservative white girl and he was a liberal, black guy from a working class family, so automatically when it came to certain articles there were differences of opinion on what angles to take; not to mention a myriad of personal, social ambiguities. But somehow, slowly but surely, their argumentative encounters turned into a mutual respect. He trusted her because she told it how it was, even if he didn’t agree: or in most cases, agree right away. Much to his chagrin, he found that more often than not, she was right. She wasn’t the most intellectual person in the world, which is something he prided himself in, but she knew people. How they worked. And She knew long before he did, that they were going to be together. Once you got to know her, she was as sweet as could be, but she was more mature than he was. Despite what appeared to be a privileged background, she had overcome some real struggles in her life. Maybe that’s what drew him to her. He had a strong personality but at the same time he was idealistic and sometimes too naïve.
They became friends. With time they became good friends, and after a little over two years of sharing the ups and downs of a small town newspaper they became something more. But in the beginning, they were both involved with other people. She was in a relationship with a photographer named Dean. They’d been dating for three years. She moved to town for the features editor job, and left him behind. They did the long distance relationship thing for about four months. She never missed an opportunity to talk about him though. It was always Dean this, and Dean that. My little pooh bear. It was sickening. Which is why, ironically, it was cool when he landed a job there as a sports photographer. They were together again, she didn’t have to dote over him so much from afar, and Dean actually turned out to be a pretty good guy. In fact they all got to be good friends in the coming years.
Kevin was dating a girl named Shawna at the time. She used to work with Kevin at the same newspaper, before Nikki came along. She had moved to New York a year earlier. She was tired of the “sticks” as she put it. Not enough excitement for her. An old college buddy of hers pulled some strings, and got her on as a beat reporter for the New York Times. He was proud of her. An intelligent young sister with ambition to spare. Hell, the New York Times was a dream for any reporter. He sometimes wondered if he was meant for anything other than pushing a small rag in Porter, Texas. He had a photographer buddy who was always asking him to come interview with the Dallas Morning News. But he would have to start all over as a beat reporter and there always seemed to be something that held him back.
Eventually Shawna got enough of the big time. She never said why, exactly, but maybe the hustle and bustle and the bright lights got to be too much for her. Who knows? She moved back a little over eight months later and got a job doing public relations at a big pharmaceutical company, a couple of towns over. They had never had anything more than brief flirtatious encounters the whole time they worked together, but after she moved back, he got up the nerve to ask her out.
He owed so much to Nikki. She helped him to know himself for the first time. He’d never told anyone the things that he’d told her. Hell, he never thought anyone was interested. Sure, he was respected…maybe even admired among his colleagues, but they never showed much interest in him personally and he never volunteered anything. His family was never very close or vocal. He had a good group of friends that helped make up for his rather emotionally austere upbringing, but he was never as close with anyone as her. It was just too bad he didn’t realize how special their relationship was. Maybe if he hadn’t taken it for granted, or worse, been so much of a coward; maybe she would still be here. He would give anything to have the chance to tell her how he felt about her, but he couldn’t. It was too late. And he always wondered if she knew how much she meant to him.
They both met about four years ago. Kevin was a news editor and reporter for a small suburban newspaper. Nicole came on board as the new features editor. At first, they couldn’t stand each other. They were constantly butting heads. She was a little too opinionated for his taste, and she thought he was arrogant. She was a privileged, conservative white girl and he was a liberal, black guy from a working class family, so automatically when it came to certain articles there were differences of opinion on what angles to take; not to mention a myriad of personal, social ambiguities. But somehow, slowly but surely, their argumentative encounters turned into a mutual respect. He trusted her because she told it how it was, even if he didn’t agree: or in most cases, agree right away. Much to his chagrin, he found that more often than not, she was right. She wasn’t the most intellectual person in the world, which is something he prided himself in, but she knew people. How they worked. And She knew long before he did, that they were going to be together. Once you got to know her, she was as sweet as could be, but she was more mature than he was. Despite what appeared to be a privileged background, she had overcome some real struggles in her life. Maybe that’s what drew him to her. He had a strong personality but at the same time he was idealistic and sometimes too naïve.
They became friends. With time they became good friends, and after a little over two years of sharing the ups and downs of a small town newspaper they became something more. But in the beginning, they were both involved with other people. She was in a relationship with a photographer named Dean. They’d been dating for three years. She moved to town for the features editor job, and left him behind. They did the long distance relationship thing for about four months. She never missed an opportunity to talk about him though. It was always Dean this, and Dean that. My little pooh bear. It was sickening. Which is why, ironically, it was cool when he landed a job there as a sports photographer. They were together again, she didn’t have to dote over him so much from afar, and Dean actually turned out to be a pretty good guy. In fact they all got to be good friends in the coming years.
Kevin was dating a girl named Shawna at the time. She used to work with Kevin at the same newspaper, before Nikki came along. She had moved to New York a year earlier. She was tired of the “sticks” as she put it. Not enough excitement for her. An old college buddy of hers pulled some strings, and got her on as a beat reporter for the New York Times. He was proud of her. An intelligent young sister with ambition to spare. Hell, the New York Times was a dream for any reporter. He sometimes wondered if he was meant for anything other than pushing a small rag in Porter, Texas. He had a photographer buddy who was always asking him to come interview with the Dallas Morning News. But he would have to start all over as a beat reporter and there always seemed to be something that held him back.
Eventually Shawna got enough of the big time. She never said why, exactly, but maybe the hustle and bustle and the bright lights got to be too much for her. Who knows? She moved back a little over eight months later and got a job doing public relations at a big pharmaceutical company, a couple of towns over. They had never had anything more than brief flirtatious encounters the whole time they worked together, but after she moved back, he got up the nerve to ask her out.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Race & Stuff
It amazes me and really disappoints me to see how far off base we seem to be on the subject of race. The recent controversy with Obama and the comments made by the pastor of his church. Not the comments themselves, or pastor wright - but the way people or maybe just the media rallied around it & it reminded me or showed me that we're still basically at a first grade level when it comes to race relations. Maybe I'm naive, but at the same time I'm completely practical about the need for us as a society to be able to get over these speed bumps and break out of these circular arguments.
When it comes to love for your fellow man or woman, I don't think it's something that can be forced upon people. And I don't think that change is going to come from the top down. It has to come and is coming more from the bottom up. By that I mean...just regular people. Individuals. Everytime someone has a personal experience w/ someone of another race, its going to either open their mind or further close it.
My coworker is a white woman. Blonde haired, green-eyed with the disposition of June Cleavor. She's really one of those people that are a pleasure to be around and tries to look at things from a positive perspective. However her last name happens to be Perez because she married a hispanic man. She talked about how his family was so much against him marrying outside of his race and religion...but they fought through. They married when she was 17 and had 3 great kids. They have a home in Cedar Hill, but she told me she couldn't tell the # of times she's gotten pulled over b/c the cops out there ran her plates & saw the last name Perez. And she happens to be the mom in the neighborhood where her teenage son's friends like to hangout at. Alot of her son's friends are black. In fact his best friend who's like part of the family, is black. Their daughter dates a black guy - so these are people who obviously aren't prejudice...but to hear from a white person about being harrassed in a small community and about getting profiled and pulled over many times....is kinda strange. And even though their kids look white, they get harrassed for their name & who they hang out with. But I was happy to see on one of her son's myspace page that he proudly named himself half-breed. It gives me hope for people changing things from the bottom up, when i see that their is obviouly still this taboo that exists. It's addressed more now, and even joked about but all of it is retoric that dances around the issue & serves to distract from the core things that really get down to the real reasons we whence a little bit inside when certain thoughts even cross our minds.
I happened to be out the other night with a friend of mine that is a white girl. We dated at one time but now we're just friends. We made plans to meet at TGIFridays...and while i was on my way to meet her, she called and said that she had met a nice couple and that they had challenged us to a game of trivia once i got there. When I got their i was introduced to a very nice, young, married inter-racial couple. (which i hate the word interracial- it sounds like your mixing somthing up or distorting something ha) Anyway, it happened to be the husband's 33rd birthday. I happened to be wearing a concert shirt of an obscure band that he happened to know so we hit it off pretty quickly. The wife was outgoing and fun and very nice and she got along great with my friend. And typically i tend to be color-blind but at one point, as we were playing computer trivia and joking and getting to know eachother-the funny thought occurred to me that the married couple we'd just met and me and my ex girlfriend were like mirror images of eachother. He was the really laid back, friendly guy with a good sense of humor that was quick-witted and charming. (toot toot haha) but a little more reserved than his very gregarious - social, friendly wife...and their was sort of a novel, almost refreshing connection their. And yes, in case you were'nt sure - the husband was a nice looking black guy with dreads and friendly demeanor and his wife, who was 6 years younger was a petite white girl with blonde hair who happened to be very cute. I sensed that we were being watched in the restaurant. Normaly i don't even notice that type of thing anymore..but obviously people stare at interracial couples...even if they sneak little guilty glances like they're watching something they shouldn't be. But this is one of the times that i was aware of being somewhat of a spectacle in a way. We were invited back to their house were we hung out and got to know eachother better. It was kind of inspiring (from the bottom up point of view) to see they had been married for 10 years and had a beautiful little girl...and they seemed really happy and suited for eachother. They shared stories of not being accepted and adversity they had to go through but also encouraging stories of acceptance and the difference they've made in eachother's lives. Towards the end of the evening, when we were recalling how we had just met & eachother's first impressions as complete strangers. The husband said, " you know when i knew u guys were cool?" He said it was when I showed up. B/c my friend had been telling them about me before I had gotten there, but she never once mentioned that i was black..and i wasn't what they expected. So even though in a way we were probably even a little novel to eachother it was kind of a nice surprise & from the get go, it was just shown that it wasn't something we considered un normal or even worth giving special attention - even though we could talk about the color lines and similar experiences, thoughts and beliefs...comfortably and w/out any reservation. It just makes me think about how things really have to change, if they are going to. And that's from the bottom up, from real people...individuals. Coworkers...friends, lovers, children, family, and strangers. Everytime you have an experience on a real level w/ a person of another race and you're able to put aside the stereotypes & the hate we've been fed, or even do just the opposite and bring it to the forefront as something that's ok to discuss - you're helping to change things. I think that's more where our hope comes from b/c it certainly doesn't seem to be coming from the powers that be nowadays.
When it comes to love for your fellow man or woman, I don't think it's something that can be forced upon people. And I don't think that change is going to come from the top down. It has to come and is coming more from the bottom up. By that I mean...just regular people. Individuals. Everytime someone has a personal experience w/ someone of another race, its going to either open their mind or further close it.
My coworker is a white woman. Blonde haired, green-eyed with the disposition of June Cleavor. She's really one of those people that are a pleasure to be around and tries to look at things from a positive perspective. However her last name happens to be Perez because she married a hispanic man. She talked about how his family was so much against him marrying outside of his race and religion...but they fought through. They married when she was 17 and had 3 great kids. They have a home in Cedar Hill, but she told me she couldn't tell the # of times she's gotten pulled over b/c the cops out there ran her plates & saw the last name Perez. And she happens to be the mom in the neighborhood where her teenage son's friends like to hangout at. Alot of her son's friends are black. In fact his best friend who's like part of the family, is black. Their daughter dates a black guy - so these are people who obviously aren't prejudice...but to hear from a white person about being harrassed in a small community and about getting profiled and pulled over many times....is kinda strange. And even though their kids look white, they get harrassed for their name & who they hang out with. But I was happy to see on one of her son's myspace page that he proudly named himself half-breed. It gives me hope for people changing things from the bottom up, when i see that their is obviouly still this taboo that exists. It's addressed more now, and even joked about but all of it is retoric that dances around the issue & serves to distract from the core things that really get down to the real reasons we whence a little bit inside when certain thoughts even cross our minds.
I happened to be out the other night with a friend of mine that is a white girl. We dated at one time but now we're just friends. We made plans to meet at TGIFridays...and while i was on my way to meet her, she called and said that she had met a nice couple and that they had challenged us to a game of trivia once i got there. When I got their i was introduced to a very nice, young, married inter-racial couple. (which i hate the word interracial- it sounds like your mixing somthing up or distorting something ha) Anyway, it happened to be the husband's 33rd birthday. I happened to be wearing a concert shirt of an obscure band that he happened to know so we hit it off pretty quickly. The wife was outgoing and fun and very nice and she got along great with my friend. And typically i tend to be color-blind but at one point, as we were playing computer trivia and joking and getting to know eachother-the funny thought occurred to me that the married couple we'd just met and me and my ex girlfriend were like mirror images of eachother. He was the really laid back, friendly guy with a good sense of humor that was quick-witted and charming. (toot toot haha) but a little more reserved than his very gregarious - social, friendly wife...and their was sort of a novel, almost refreshing connection their. And yes, in case you were'nt sure - the husband was a nice looking black guy with dreads and friendly demeanor and his wife, who was 6 years younger was a petite white girl with blonde hair who happened to be very cute. I sensed that we were being watched in the restaurant. Normaly i don't even notice that type of thing anymore..but obviously people stare at interracial couples...even if they sneak little guilty glances like they're watching something they shouldn't be. But this is one of the times that i was aware of being somewhat of a spectacle in a way. We were invited back to their house were we hung out and got to know eachother better. It was kind of inspiring (from the bottom up point of view) to see they had been married for 10 years and had a beautiful little girl...and they seemed really happy and suited for eachother. They shared stories of not being accepted and adversity they had to go through but also encouraging stories of acceptance and the difference they've made in eachother's lives. Towards the end of the evening, when we were recalling how we had just met & eachother's first impressions as complete strangers. The husband said, " you know when i knew u guys were cool?" He said it was when I showed up. B/c my friend had been telling them about me before I had gotten there, but she never once mentioned that i was black..and i wasn't what they expected. So even though in a way we were probably even a little novel to eachother it was kind of a nice surprise & from the get go, it was just shown that it wasn't something we considered un normal or even worth giving special attention - even though we could talk about the color lines and similar experiences, thoughts and beliefs...comfortably and w/out any reservation. It just makes me think about how things really have to change, if they are going to. And that's from the bottom up, from real people...individuals. Coworkers...friends, lovers, children, family, and strangers. Everytime you have an experience on a real level w/ a person of another race and you're able to put aside the stereotypes & the hate we've been fed, or even do just the opposite and bring it to the forefront as something that's ok to discuss - you're helping to change things. I think that's more where our hope comes from b/c it certainly doesn't seem to be coming from the powers that be nowadays.
Divorcing The Earth 1st chapt.
DIVORCING THE EARTH
Chapter One
Broken Wings
Kevin thought of all the ways he could do it. Then he thought of Ty. It’d been a little over two years since Nikki was killed. Nothing had been right since. Kevin turned away from the passenger side window and glanced over at Ty, pretending he was taking in the scenery on the other side of the highway for a change. He realized that they had been driving in silence for at least the past fifteen minutes; except for the new Transit Kings album that was playing.
“Hey, do you remember that old gravel road we used to drive on? The one with the big ass hill?” Kevin asked. “We used to go down it at night doing fifty with our headlights off?”
Ty eagerly reached over and turned down the volume a couple of notches. “Hell yeah I remember! That one time, you almost killed us.”
“Hey it’s not like I did it on purpose. The gravel was loose.”
“Not to mention, you were stoned off your ass,” Ty said. “Well that too,” Kevin admitted. They both laughed. “Do you remember how you felt…. like right before we straightened up and just barely missed running into that bridge railing at the bottom?” “All I remember is the sound of my own screaming…and Randy’s,” Ty chuckled.
“Yeah, ya’ll were both yelling like a couple of bitches. I was in control the whole time man,” Kevin said with a smirk.
“Yeah, right.”
“Well ok…maybe I didn’t know what was gonna happen, but..I dunno it’s like I was ultra-focused, or something. I mean even when we were almost sideways going down that hill, and I was looking out the driver’s door window trying to steer, I remember thinking two things. One, we gotta get across that bridge without running into it or going off the side. Two, I remember thinking how alive I felt. You know?”
Ty looked at him sideways with one raised eyebrow, contemplating the joke he was going to respond with, then pausing to consider whether he should be worried by the statement or not. Kevin was always a bit of a dreamer, but there was something in the disconnected tone of his voice that unsettled Ty, and it wasn’t just the nostalgia of their reckless, younger days.
Before Ty could respond, Kevin spoke again. “ I wonder if that’s how you feel right before you die? I wonder…”
“Hey!” Ty said. “I know you miss her, We both do. Everyone does Ok?”
“But I wasn’t even talking about….” Kevin trailed off. Ty turned down the C.D. player even more. “Look,” he said. “All I know is you haven’t been yourself for a long time. And no, I don’t know how you feel. I can only imagine. I just know; from when my dad died… you don‘t ever stop missing them. You just get used to them not being there.”
Kevin puffed up and clinched his jaw. “Yeah, but I’m sorry; your dad died in his sleep from an aneurysm … He went into a comma and didn’t wake up again. He didn’t have to….I mean he didn’t know..” Kevin had to stop. He felt the sting of a salty flood welling up behind his eyes, and the half-formed mental images that followed were just too much to bear.
Ty was silenced by the caustic comparison. Kevin knew that it wasn’t like Ty to shrink away so easily; and he suddenly felt bad. He didn’t mean to down-play Ty’s loss; he knew that Nikki had been his friend too and he was only trying to help. He couldn’t believe the ring of hatred in his voice that still hung in the air. After all, Kevin and Ty had been friends for over ten years, and maybe Ty missed the Kevin he used to know just as much as he missed the love of his life.
“My bad, man.. you know I didn’t mean it like that,” Kevin said, rubbing his eyes wearily. He was surprised to feel the stinging creep up again. This time, at the thought of betraying his friend. He’d felt so numb lately. He pushed it down and continued, “I guess …I know, you’re right. I mean I haven’t felt like myself for a long time. It just gets kinda fucked up sometimes. Especially around this time of year.”
“I know man, that’s because it is fucked up,” Ty said in an un-faded, assuring voice. “But hey, that’s why we’re taking this trip. We’re gonna meet up with the rest of the gang. We’re gonna take a good ol’ fashioned road trip, and we’re gonna have a badass weekend in a badass cabin! Cool?”
“Yeah…more than cool.”
Chapter One
Broken Wings
Kevin thought of all the ways he could do it. Then he thought of Ty. It’d been a little over two years since Nikki was killed. Nothing had been right since. Kevin turned away from the passenger side window and glanced over at Ty, pretending he was taking in the scenery on the other side of the highway for a change. He realized that they had been driving in silence for at least the past fifteen minutes; except for the new Transit Kings album that was playing.
“Hey, do you remember that old gravel road we used to drive on? The one with the big ass hill?” Kevin asked. “We used to go down it at night doing fifty with our headlights off?”
Ty eagerly reached over and turned down the volume a couple of notches. “Hell yeah I remember! That one time, you almost killed us.”
“Hey it’s not like I did it on purpose. The gravel was loose.”
“Not to mention, you were stoned off your ass,” Ty said. “Well that too,” Kevin admitted. They both laughed. “Do you remember how you felt…. like right before we straightened up and just barely missed running into that bridge railing at the bottom?” “All I remember is the sound of my own screaming…and Randy’s,” Ty chuckled.
“Yeah, ya’ll were both yelling like a couple of bitches. I was in control the whole time man,” Kevin said with a smirk.
“Yeah, right.”
“Well ok…maybe I didn’t know what was gonna happen, but..I dunno it’s like I was ultra-focused, or something. I mean even when we were almost sideways going down that hill, and I was looking out the driver’s door window trying to steer, I remember thinking two things. One, we gotta get across that bridge without running into it or going off the side. Two, I remember thinking how alive I felt. You know?”
Ty looked at him sideways with one raised eyebrow, contemplating the joke he was going to respond with, then pausing to consider whether he should be worried by the statement or not. Kevin was always a bit of a dreamer, but there was something in the disconnected tone of his voice that unsettled Ty, and it wasn’t just the nostalgia of their reckless, younger days.
Before Ty could respond, Kevin spoke again. “ I wonder if that’s how you feel right before you die? I wonder…”
“Hey!” Ty said. “I know you miss her, We both do. Everyone does Ok?”
“But I wasn’t even talking about….” Kevin trailed off. Ty turned down the C.D. player even more. “Look,” he said. “All I know is you haven’t been yourself for a long time. And no, I don’t know how you feel. I can only imagine. I just know; from when my dad died… you don‘t ever stop missing them. You just get used to them not being there.”
Kevin puffed up and clinched his jaw. “Yeah, but I’m sorry; your dad died in his sleep from an aneurysm … He went into a comma and didn’t wake up again. He didn’t have to….I mean he didn’t know..” Kevin had to stop. He felt the sting of a salty flood welling up behind his eyes, and the half-formed mental images that followed were just too much to bear.
Ty was silenced by the caustic comparison. Kevin knew that it wasn’t like Ty to shrink away so easily; and he suddenly felt bad. He didn’t mean to down-play Ty’s loss; he knew that Nikki had been his friend too and he was only trying to help. He couldn’t believe the ring of hatred in his voice that still hung in the air. After all, Kevin and Ty had been friends for over ten years, and maybe Ty missed the Kevin he used to know just as much as he missed the love of his life.
“My bad, man.. you know I didn’t mean it like that,” Kevin said, rubbing his eyes wearily. He was surprised to feel the stinging creep up again. This time, at the thought of betraying his friend. He’d felt so numb lately. He pushed it down and continued, “I guess …I know, you’re right. I mean I haven’t felt like myself for a long time. It just gets kinda fucked up sometimes. Especially around this time of year.”
“I know man, that’s because it is fucked up,” Ty said in an un-faded, assuring voice. “But hey, that’s why we’re taking this trip. We’re gonna meet up with the rest of the gang. We’re gonna take a good ol’ fashioned road trip, and we’re gonna have a badass weekend in a badass cabin! Cool?”
“Yeah…more than cool.”
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